Dear 19 year old me:
Happy Birthday! I know you won't hear it a lot today, but that doesn't mean you are not loved, and are not special. This is just a reality when you're in the working world. Take some time to enjoy the mountain air, bask in the beauty of God's creation and stop moping around because you don't get to be with your boyfriend on your birthday. Trust me, you will have a lifetime of birthdays with him.
You will hate me for saying this, but you are young and very naive. Take time to learn from people older than you. You won't always like what they have to say but these people have a very valuable gift they want to share with you: Life Experience.
You don't have all the answers, even though you think you do. You need to go back to Bible College so you can learn more about Christ. Don't waste your year continually sad because you have to long distance with your boyfriend. Trust me, this too will pass. Focus on building your friendships, and even more importantly, your relationship with Christ because when you leave this little greenhouse, you will feel like you were thrown to a pack of wolves.
Enjoy life! Make good decisions! Exercise, eat healthy and get some sleep. Even though you think you're missing out on fun, it is ok to go to bed before 4 am.
Your life will not be easy, but it is a good life. When you go through the valley's, ask God to make you better, and not bitter. When you're on the mountain tops, continue to strive for godliness because you will need closeness with Him to get you through the tough times.
Remember you are beautiful. No matter how much weight you gain... you are a beautiful person. Allow yourself to be mentored, and continue to work on your relationships in your family. They too won't always tell you what you want to hear, but they are family and they love you deeply!
Enjoy today, and everyday because they all are valuable gifts!
Oh, and one more thing: Stop thinking of 29 year olds as old. Face it kid... in a decade you will be 29 and will be writing this exact letter to yourself.
Love,
The 29 year old you
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
The Answer Of Course Is Hippopotamus!
Wow! It's been a while. I have had so many moments where I have been staring at this screen wondering what I should write. How I can explain all I am learning, how I am struggling but how it is making me a better person, and what God is doing in my life.
All I can do is sum it up to one word: Hippopotamus!
A couple weeks ago, I went for coffee with a good friend of mine. I vented about what was going on in our life. She told me about a sermon she had heard a while ago on Job. This sermon was about God's response to Job when he cried out to Him. When reading it, God's answer seems a little obscure and frustrating, but digging deeper into it, it makes sense. It puts me into my place. God told Job about creation. He never gave the answer to why this happened to Job. He did, however, describe animals. One animal in particular sounds like a hippopotamus. Therefore, the answer, of course is hippopotamus!
I don't have any answer whatsoever to why we have gone through all we have gone through in the past few months. I don't have any answer to why I have friends going through all they are going through. I do know I serve an AMAZING GOD who hasn't forgotten about me. An amazing God who not only created the heavens and the earth, He had fun creating animals, and created me.
This makes sense to me because hippo's have a special place in my heart. When I was young and went to Vacation Bible School, a song was sung about hippo's. The first verse talks about creation and then how somethings God just made for fun. The chorus is "hip-hip-hippopotamus, hip-hip horray God made all of us..." I have always thought of a hippo as something fun God made. So if God made something for fun, He obviously has a reason for everything.
**Just a note, I re-read the section where God speaks to Job. To cover my bases I have now realized the one animal doesn't sound like a hippopotamus, but the analogy still sticks with me.**
All I can do is sum it up to one word: Hippopotamus!
A couple weeks ago, I went for coffee with a good friend of mine. I vented about what was going on in our life. She told me about a sermon she had heard a while ago on Job. This sermon was about God's response to Job when he cried out to Him. When reading it, God's answer seems a little obscure and frustrating, but digging deeper into it, it makes sense. It puts me into my place. God told Job about creation. He never gave the answer to why this happened to Job. He did, however, describe animals. One animal in particular sounds like a hippopotamus. Therefore, the answer, of course is hippopotamus!
I don't have any answer whatsoever to why we have gone through all we have gone through in the past few months. I don't have any answer to why I have friends going through all they are going through. I do know I serve an AMAZING GOD who hasn't forgotten about me. An amazing God who not only created the heavens and the earth, He had fun creating animals, and created me.
This makes sense to me because hippo's have a special place in my heart. When I was young and went to Vacation Bible School, a song was sung about hippo's. The first verse talks about creation and then how somethings God just made for fun. The chorus is "hip-hip-hippopotamus, hip-hip horray God made all of us..." I have always thought of a hippo as something fun God made. So if God made something for fun, He obviously has a reason for everything.
**Just a note, I re-read the section where God speaks to Job. To cover my bases I have now realized the one animal doesn't sound like a hippopotamus, but the analogy still sticks with me.**
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
What A Hypocrite
As I sit in the quietness of my in law's home and am finally able to breathe after what has felt like eons of trials, I suddenly feel inspired to write.
I just posted a blog stating I am forced to take a sabbatical. That is true, but for as long as I have internet, I will write if I feel inspired. Tonight, I feel inspired.
Have you ever had the desire to take a vacation from your life? Just whisk your spouse and kids away to some warm island where there are no fears, or spiders, it only rains when you want it to, and the warmth is just perfect enough to feel like a warm blanket on a cold night?
In some ways, I desire a vacation from my life. I think part of it has been that I have been sick for 5 out of the past 6 weeks, and dear hubby is still looking for work, and ei hasn't kicked in yet. Our son got sick last week. Really sick. Like I called the health line and they told me to hang up and call 911 sick. After a good friend rushed us all to the hospital, it was confirmed he had bronchial pneumonia. After 3 1/2 days of no sleep (on my part) our son was able to go home. We are thankful he is ok. Seeing our baby hooked up to an IV is an image I hope will be erased from my mind.
I don't know when these times will end. I long for a lot of things, but know God is teaching us much. For example, all we can do right now is rely on God.
The silly thing is, I don't remember the last time I read the Bible.
As we were coming up to where my in law's live we were listening to a sermon by Charles Price. I wasn't paying close attention, but a few things managed to strike a chord in my heart. One being a story he told about when he was a little boy. He had some Bible verses he would read. He would race through them, then get on with his day but he felt like a good person because he read the Bible. He never knew what he read because he raced through the verses. It eventually dawned on him that the purpose of reading the Bible is not to read the Bible, it is to get to know the Lord. This didnt hit me until I wrote it down. To get to know the Lord. To be in relationship with the Lord...
Oh how I desire intimacy with God. How I thirst for relationship with my Savior. No wonder I feel like a dying woman in a desert crawling in search for the next oasis. All I have needed to do is look right in front of me.
Wow... self-therapy via blog. I guess this is what it usually is for me.
To all blog-stalkers out there, I have a question for you: How do you spend time getting to know God? Maybe if ideas are shared, we can all challenge and encourage one another.
I didn't even pack a Bible. Shouldn't that be the first thing I think of?!? My focus has been off so much. I thought I focused on God, but I have been focusing on the problems.
Who knew the blog author could kick herself in the butt while writing what comes to her eh?
I need to go spend time with God. It's a good thing my Father in law is a pastor... lots of Bibles in this house ;)
I just posted a blog stating I am forced to take a sabbatical. That is true, but for as long as I have internet, I will write if I feel inspired. Tonight, I feel inspired.
Have you ever had the desire to take a vacation from your life? Just whisk your spouse and kids away to some warm island where there are no fears, or spiders, it only rains when you want it to, and the warmth is just perfect enough to feel like a warm blanket on a cold night?
In some ways, I desire a vacation from my life. I think part of it has been that I have been sick for 5 out of the past 6 weeks, and dear hubby is still looking for work, and ei hasn't kicked in yet. Our son got sick last week. Really sick. Like I called the health line and they told me to hang up and call 911 sick. After a good friend rushed us all to the hospital, it was confirmed he had bronchial pneumonia. After 3 1/2 days of no sleep (on my part) our son was able to go home. We are thankful he is ok. Seeing our baby hooked up to an IV is an image I hope will be erased from my mind.
I don't know when these times will end. I long for a lot of things, but know God is teaching us much. For example, all we can do right now is rely on God.
The silly thing is, I don't remember the last time I read the Bible.
As we were coming up to where my in law's live we were listening to a sermon by Charles Price. I wasn't paying close attention, but a few things managed to strike a chord in my heart. One being a story he told about when he was a little boy. He had some Bible verses he would read. He would race through them, then get on with his day but he felt like a good person because he read the Bible. He never knew what he read because he raced through the verses. It eventually dawned on him that the purpose of reading the Bible is not to read the Bible, it is to get to know the Lord. This didnt hit me until I wrote it down. To get to know the Lord. To be in relationship with the Lord...
Oh how I desire intimacy with God. How I thirst for relationship with my Savior. No wonder I feel like a dying woman in a desert crawling in search for the next oasis. All I have needed to do is look right in front of me.
Wow... self-therapy via blog. I guess this is what it usually is for me.
To all blog-stalkers out there, I have a question for you: How do you spend time getting to know God? Maybe if ideas are shared, we can all challenge and encourage one another.
I didn't even pack a Bible. Shouldn't that be the first thing I think of?!? My focus has been off so much. I thought I focused on God, but I have been focusing on the problems.
Who knew the blog author could kick herself in the butt while writing what comes to her eh?
I need to go spend time with God. It's a good thing my Father in law is a pastor... lots of Bibles in this house ;)
Forced To Take A Sabbatical
So... we can't get internet for the summer. We will be close to public internet, so I am not sure how often I will get on. God is still stretching us, but we are striving to stay strong.
I will blog as often as I can.
I will blog as often as I can.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Reflection
It is amazing to see how different two years can make. On this exact day, at this time two years ago, the day was very similar to this day. The sun was shining, and I had lots of plans on getting things done. By lunchtime this day two years ago, I found myself separated from my husband.
We are more grown up than we once were. We are less naive and more on guard. I pray more for my husband. We talk more. We confess more. We pray together more.
As we have been going through our most recent bumps in the road, we always bring ourselves back to what we have been through. We know if we got through that, we can get through this because we have seen God move in incredible ways over and over in our life.
By lunchtime today, I'm hoping we'll be enjoying our soup or whatever is on the menu.
Two years have gone by, and I am so thankful. Thankful for what we went through because it made us both better people. Thankful for how God has blessed us with a renewed marriage. Thankful for a physical symbol of His faithfulness by giving us a child. Thankful our relationship with God has deepened.
I find myself more in love with my husband every day. Daily, I am able to watch him grow more and more as he becomes more and more of a man of God, and thrives in his new role as a father.
Our love and relationship has deepened. Our relationship has been through the fire, and we have come out of it more refined than we once were.
We are more grown up than we once were. We are less naive and more on guard. I pray more for my husband. We talk more. We confess more. We pray together more.
As we have been going through our most recent bumps in the road, we always bring ourselves back to what we have been through. We know if we got through that, we can get through this because we have seen God move in incredible ways over and over in our life.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
What to write?
Do you ever have those moments where you read all those blogs of epic proportions and feel like crap? It's like those moments where you step on the scale, realize all your hard work paid off and you actually lost one pound, and then you go shopping with your best friend who looks like a model.
Sometimes those incredible bloggers scare me almost to the point of deleting my blog.
There are times when I tell my husband, I don't have a lot of followers (not to undermine the one faithful follower I do have... thank you M!!) the other follower doesn't count because it is me, and I don't know how I started following myself, or how to stop?!?!
Wow, tangent. Let me start that paragraph again. So, there are the times where I whine to my husband about how I don't have a blog of epic proportions, and how I don't know if my writings sound too whiny, or if I am really trying to get my point across, and why this, and that, etc and he looks at me with those incredibly sexy eyes and tells me "that's not why you do it..."
Dang, he's right.
However, that doesn't mean insecurity doesn't come in the way.
Why do I write?
Even though I love journaling, I haven't been able to do it too much since my son was born. I have been able to blog. Go figure.
I write because there is that calling on my life where I have been told many many times that I will be able to help people out because of all I have been through so there is that hope someone is being reached... and encouraged... and challenged.
I write because there have been those blogs where I have been reached... and encouraged... and challenged.
I write because I am an internal processor.
I write because even though I like to think I am anonymous, I am slowly peeling back those layers and starting to let people close to me know about this blog. So in a sense, writing has allowed me to start coming out of my shell.
Why are we always so bound by insecurity????
So, it is in my insecurity that I ask this: Do you mind adding me to your blog roll? If you are not on mine, but would like to be, just leave it in the comments and I will add you.
I am a blog-surfer. I love to go from blog to blog. I sometimes end up reading the most random, yet wonderful blogs this way.
Yup... that's all I have to say.
Do you ever have those moments where you read all those blogs of epic proportions and feel like crap? It's like those moments where you step on the scale, realize all your hard work paid off and you actually lost one pound, and then you go shopping with your best friend who looks like a model.
Sometimes those incredible bloggers scare me almost to the point of deleting my blog.
There are times when I tell my husband, I don't have a lot of followers (not to undermine the one faithful follower I do have... thank you M!!) the other follower doesn't count because it is me, and I don't know how I started following myself, or how to stop?!?!
Wow, tangent. Let me start that paragraph again. So, there are the times where I whine to my husband about how I don't have a blog of epic proportions, and how I don't know if my writings sound too whiny, or if I am really trying to get my point across, and why this, and that, etc and he looks at me with those incredibly sexy eyes and tells me "that's not why you do it..."
Dang, he's right.
However, that doesn't mean insecurity doesn't come in the way.
Why do I write?
Even though I love journaling, I haven't been able to do it too much since my son was born. I have been able to blog. Go figure.
I write because there is that calling on my life where I have been told many many times that I will be able to help people out because of all I have been through so there is that hope someone is being reached... and encouraged... and challenged.
I write because there have been those blogs where I have been reached... and encouraged... and challenged.
I write because I am an internal processor.
I write because even though I like to think I am anonymous, I am slowly peeling back those layers and starting to let people close to me know about this blog. So in a sense, writing has allowed me to start coming out of my shell.
Why are we always so bound by insecurity????
So, it is in my insecurity that I ask this: Do you mind adding me to your blog roll? If you are not on mine, but would like to be, just leave it in the comments and I will add you.
I am a blog-surfer. I love to go from blog to blog. I sometimes end up reading the most random, yet wonderful blogs this way.
Yup... that's all I have to say.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Little Bits Of Happines
Today was a low day.
Not even due to the fact that we are car-less, job-less and every other kind of less that there is. It was due to the fact that at church, I allowed someone to make me feel inferior. I don't want to gossip, nor do I want to talk poorly about this person. She is someone I have never gotten along with, and now I feel like she is completely up in my grill.
Needless to say, I felt like crap. I do not have a nice word to describe this girl when I talk to my husband about her.
I have wasted too much time today hurting over the way I am treated with this girl.
But that's how my low started.
God has encouraged me so much to look for the little happy's He gives us every day. Let me tell you, every day, we get many little happy's.
Spring is here. It was 10 degrees today. There have been times on this date years past where the weather is still in the -30 to - 40 mark. A couple months back, a friend gave me money to go do something for myself so I got myself a mocha with raspberry in it today. Let me tell you... nothing (and I do mean NOTHING) is better than chocolate and raspberry together. It is a burst of flavorful happiness in your mouth. We also discovered the art of putting our baby in a laundry basket. We put a blanket in, put him on top (so there is padding for him) then put stuffies and toys in, and he is amused for a good hour. It brings us joy as we play with him in his basket.
So, there are many little happy's in every day.
God showed me this week that it is brush strokes that make up a picture. That's why it is hard to see the big picture right now because we are on that canvas, and our lives are being brush-stroked right now.
My husband is going to a career fair tomorrow. Please pray he gets an amazing job!
Not even due to the fact that we are car-less, job-less and every other kind of less that there is. It was due to the fact that at church, I allowed someone to make me feel inferior. I don't want to gossip, nor do I want to talk poorly about this person. She is someone I have never gotten along with, and now I feel like she is completely up in my grill.
Needless to say, I felt like crap. I do not have a nice word to describe this girl when I talk to my husband about her.
I have wasted too much time today hurting over the way I am treated with this girl.
But that's how my low started.
God has encouraged me so much to look for the little happy's He gives us every day. Let me tell you, every day, we get many little happy's.
Spring is here. It was 10 degrees today. There have been times on this date years past where the weather is still in the -30 to - 40 mark. A couple months back, a friend gave me money to go do something for myself so I got myself a mocha with raspberry in it today. Let me tell you... nothing (and I do mean NOTHING) is better than chocolate and raspberry together. It is a burst of flavorful happiness in your mouth. We also discovered the art of putting our baby in a laundry basket. We put a blanket in, put him on top (so there is padding for him) then put stuffies and toys in, and he is amused for a good hour. It brings us joy as we play with him in his basket.
So, there are many little happy's in every day.
God showed me this week that it is brush strokes that make up a picture. That's why it is hard to see the big picture right now because we are on that canvas, and our lives are being brush-stroked right now.
My husband is going to a career fair tomorrow. Please pray he gets an amazing job!
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