As the days are being ticked away and our moving day comes closer and closer I find myself on the brink of freedom and fear.
Freedom from having a permanent mark on our family. Freedom because we are moving to a place where we can share what we want to share in our story. My husband and I are both the type of people who wear our hearts on our sleeve, but to be able to share what we want to share will be so much better. It will be better because people tend to dwell on the negative, and that is what is permanently etched in their mind. I see this in the off-handed comments I still receive and the looks that are given at times when I share about how friggin awesome my husband is.
It happens, we are all human. I am guilty of judging others as well.
We should really be focusing on God! What He has done not only in our situation, but in every situation!!!
I am excited about being free from the city life. I know I will miss lots of aspects about being in a city. I have been to Safeway three times in the past three days. That won't happen in a small town. But we are moving to a small town where peace seems to emanate from the very core. I am excited about the freedom to experience a slower pace of life. To be in a college town where money and material won't be the focus, but Christ will be.
Fear comes in by being unsure about how we are going to make money to live (still don't have that fully worked out but keep on trusting God and praying for wisdom.) Fear of being the "new kid" or rather "new old adult" in town, and not able to make friends. I have been in this city for 8 years and have a handful of people whom I call good friends.
That is who I am. I don't have a lot of friends, but that is because the people whom I am friends with I invest my all into them and consider them my very good friends.
As I begin to fully process our move, I feel so thankful. For years, I have felt like a "sitting duck" knowing that we were called to ministry but not moving forward in any way. Now, we are moving forward. God's timing is perfect.
I'm scared out of my mind. I know what we are called to do, and I know it is not going to be easy. I see who I am as a woman, mother, wife, friend, and Christian and there is SO MUCH room for improvement. I am scared of being a pastor's wife because I feel inadequate. However, I do know where God calls, He will equip.
I think it is time for me to end this blog. I will keep it up for now (also because I have a stellar blogroll and don't want to forget about these blogs.) I am contemplating starting a new blog but am not sure about how much time I will have in our new place. I'll add it to this blogroll if I do.
For now, I thank you. All of you who read my ramblings, rants and rationalizing. Thank you for allowing myself to open up myself in a completely unadulterated way and attempt to remain anonymous. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement! May God bless your socks off!!
