An Update On Life

I think this blog has served its purpose.  I have vented, and gone from cynicism and bitterness to acceptance (for the most part) of people's stupidity (including my own.)  I have vented about life, and have been able to read back on how God was preparing me for the following months that were going to be incredibly difficult.

This week, we finally got a car.  It is perfect!  We are so amazed at how we missed out on appreciating luxuries like a car before, and now, we are blessed with an amazing vehicle with 4 doors, air conditioning and a cd player!  Our old car had 2 doors, no ac, and a tape deck that didn't work.  It is so amazing how easy it is to get a kid out of a back seat when you don't have to fold yourself back there and spring yourself out.

My husband still hasn't found a job but I have to admit, I absolutely love having him home.  Although he is still searching, I have found myself doing better with the PPD.

And the biggest news of all is that we are going to be moving.  This is very bitter-sweet.  We will be leaving a city that I love, and friends who have become more like family to me.  The plus side is we will only be living an hour away.  We will be moving to small town Saskatchewan so my husband can further his education.  We are still in prayer about this and busy trying to get funding, but we trust God will be taking care of us.

I am not quite done writing this blog, but I do believe as we begin a new chapter in the next few months that I will be changing blogs and writing more about life and what it is like to live in small town Saskatchewan.

This is an exciting change for us.  I will post when I can.

Who Are You?

Through the past couple years, I have seen a flaw in my character that drives me crazy.  I am not too sure how to work through this flaw, or if anyone else struggles with this but I see it as something that is not good.

I am a chameleon.

What I mean by that is I tend to change certain aspects of my personality to better suit whoever I am with.

If I am with my family, I am quiet, reserved and put on the mask that all is well in life.  If I am with certain friends, I am also a super-Christian who doesn't sin, or swear, and I people please my way through everything. If I am with the select few people who really know who I am, they see me for the incredibly flawed individual that I am and love me in spite of it.

This is who I am:  I am an insecure being who day in and day out despises how I look and am continually fighting to feel better about myself.  I swear a lot.  I love people in my life so deeply.  It is because of this deep love that causes me to get hurt very easily.

Even in this blog, I have been a bit of a chameleon.  I have struggled off and on about how to word things because yes, I do swear.  I have found it to be a good release after dealing with a few years of crap, but I am trying to stop this habit.  I also know that one day I will be a pastor's wife.  This does not mean I will ever be capable of giving the image that I am perfect, but if we do end up being in a more conservative church I would be terrified of anyone ever finding out about any blog post that had swears in it.

I care too much about what people think of me, but I fight to not care.  I am insecure in every relationship I have wondering if I am truly loved, or if I am just tolerated.

I can be outspoken to certain people and incredibly shy to everyone else.

I love creation.  I find I am able to commune with God quite easily in nature.

I am an introvert but love to be social.

I am a walking contradiction.

I love to read, crochet, needle felt and I am now learning to knit.

I love to play piano and sing.

I have a weird sense of humor, but my husband understands me, therefore he laughs at my jokes.

I desire to serve the Lord whole-heartedly but always feel inadequate.  I feel inadequate because I see how much of a schmuck I can be.

I find joy in bright (and I do mean LOUD) colours.  Both on the wall, and in my wardrobe.  I find joy in looking at a hamster's paws because I know if God cares about such tiny tiny details as a hamster's paw, He definitely cares about me.

This is who I am...now, my question is:  who are you?