Who Are You?

Through the past couple years, I have seen a flaw in my character that drives me crazy.  I am not too sure how to work through this flaw, or if anyone else struggles with this but I see it as something that is not good.

I am a chameleon.

What I mean by that is I tend to change certain aspects of my personality to better suit whoever I am with.

If I am with my family, I am quiet, reserved and put on the mask that all is well in life.  If I am with certain friends, I am also a super-Christian who doesn't sin, or swear, and I people please my way through everything. If I am with the select few people who really know who I am, they see me for the incredibly flawed individual that I am and love me in spite of it.

This is who I am:  I am an insecure being who day in and day out despises how I look and am continually fighting to feel better about myself.  I swear a lot.  I love people in my life so deeply.  It is because of this deep love that causes me to get hurt very easily.

Even in this blog, I have been a bit of a chameleon.  I have struggled off and on about how to word things because yes, I do swear.  I have found it to be a good release after dealing with a few years of crap, but I am trying to stop this habit.  I also know that one day I will be a pastor's wife.  This does not mean I will ever be capable of giving the image that I am perfect, but if we do end up being in a more conservative church I would be terrified of anyone ever finding out about any blog post that had swears in it.

I care too much about what people think of me, but I fight to not care.  I am insecure in every relationship I have wondering if I am truly loved, or if I am just tolerated.

I can be outspoken to certain people and incredibly shy to everyone else.

I love creation.  I find I am able to commune with God quite easily in nature.

I am an introvert but love to be social.

I am a walking contradiction.

I love to read, crochet, needle felt and I am now learning to knit.

I love to play piano and sing.

I have a weird sense of humor, but my husband understands me, therefore he laughs at my jokes.

I desire to serve the Lord whole-heartedly but always feel inadequate.  I feel inadequate because I see how much of a schmuck I can be.

I find joy in bright (and I do mean LOUD) colours.  Both on the wall, and in my wardrobe.  I find joy in looking at a hamster's paws because I know if God cares about such tiny tiny details as a hamster's paw, He definitely cares about me.

This is who I am...now, my question is:  who are you?