Thankfulness

Everyday I'm thankful. I get to stay at home with the most beautiful little boy whom I never thought I would have. Even now as his big, adoring eyes look up at me and he gives me his big gummy grin, I melt, sigh and breathe a prayer of thanks. I have the desire of my heart... to be a wife and mother.

Lately I have been convicted of what I call "the grass is greener" syndrome. It is a syndrome I have had my whole life. Full of coveting, jealousy, envy and even self-pity. It has effected friendships either by stalling them, or almost ending them. I hate this sin in my life so this is what God is trying to dig out of me right now... among many many other things.

About a month ago, "the grass is greener" syndrome reared its ugly head again. Some very good friends of ours put a bid on a beautiful home in a beautiful area. The offer was accepted, and they sold their adorable house they're in right now. They've been married a year less than us. I struggled because I watched and saw how blessed they are and it made me frustrated that these blessings aren't bestowed on me. Through prayer and talking with a mentor, God showed me that my life is the life He has given me. The place we rent, the car we have that is running on prayer right now...etc. He has given me these things, so I need to become a good steward of them.

Talk about a wake up call by a slap in the face. This syndrome has effected my friendship with this couple at times. This is a couple whom I love dearly and their friendship and loyalty has spoken volumes to me over the past years. There has been freedom in this conviction.

You see, I am a neat person. To all of you who know me and are scoffing at the last sentence, read on. I honestly am a neat person... you just haven't seen it... why? Because I have too much stuff.

Focusing on what I don't have is depressing. It brings up frustration and thoughts of "why don't I have this... don't You love me Lord??" However, focusing on what I do have brings up overwhelming feelings of joy. We have a living room cluttered with baby toys big and small due to people's generosity. Our living room is full of free furniture for the same reason. I might not have up to date stuff, and I think my couch is ugly, but I HAVE a couch. God has shown me how to be creative and generous with what I have. After all, it is all from Him.

So... with having too much stuff, God has really challenged me to downsize... again. I thought we did this when we made room for our little man, but there were some things I had trouble letting go of.

Through this whole lesson, God has also been teaching me to be satisfied with what I have. That includes having one child. I love kids, and have always wanted 4, but God has been nudging me to surrender that dream and be satisfied with what... or rather who I have. I have the most beautiful little boy who is so full of joy. He is a HUGE answer to prayer.

So it is with these lessons that I now surrender stuff to God and start using my resources for His glory. Lesson not learned... but lesson learning.

Does anyone want or need a doll house?

What has God been teaching you lately?