I find it hard to blog when I am caught in this dark cloud.
It seems like everytime I hit a pit in this ppd they get worse and last longer.
I went to training a couple years ago for youth at risk and was told if you spend 15 minutes with a depressed person, you start to take on their symptoms. I don't want anyone reading this blog to take on my symptoms.
Post-partum depression is hell.
I've been through worse. I'll get through it. I know that. Being honest, that friggin tunnel is all dark and I don't see a lot of light yet.
Even though I am surrounded by darkness, I am comforted at knowing I have the ULTIMATE LIGHT around me. I can't feel Christ, but I can't imagine going through this without Him by my side. I can still see Him in every sunset I watch, in the worship music that leaves me still and in awe. I see Him in my husband's eyes as they light up when he walks in the door from a long day at work, and in those heart-melting smiles from my son.
I know God is near. So near that He must be carrying me.
Which is good because I am starting to crack.
I am starting to crack,but I know God is here because He has put people in my life who are carrying me as well.
I am thankful. I am praying and fighting for joy.
I might not blog lots as I fight through this.
One thing that has helped me and challenged me is a book I am reading. "The Book of Awesome." It has challenged me to look at the little things in a day, smile and thank God for them. If you want to view the blog this book is based off, peep it here
Hey!! I have been thinking of you lately!! I once read a blogger write about how she wishes she could meet some of the people who read her blog and have coffee with them, and I can totally relate to that!! It's a funny thing we do as bloggers, putting a lot of ourselves out there for the public to see. Sometimes, I imagine it would be neat to actually meet some of the people who read my blog. I also wondered if I would ever end up with occasion to meet you because of our mutual friend, J.
ReplyDeleteThe reason I was thinking of you specifically today was because I actually was there! lol!! I was at J.'s house friday night, and was at church this morning, wondering if you actually were someone in the room singing. I asked J. about it afterwards, since I was so curious, and apparently, at risk of sounding like a crazy lady, I was actually just a row or two in front of you with my family this morning! Haha, we were the crazy family with the kids who wouldn't stop talking and the baby sleeping on my shoulder. We sat with other mutual friends of ours, the G. family. What a very small world!!
Anyway, today you popped into my mind a lot, and after seeing your post, I couldn't resist telling you.
I will continue to pray for you when the Lord brings you to mind!!
M
That's sooo cool! I did see you there. It was funny because I was thinking "New family here, we should go introduce ourselves plus our babies look to be the same age" then I wondered how little "A" knew you because she went to sit by you. Small world indeed. Next time you're here, let me know. We should go out for coffee or something. I LOVE your blog and love all the money saving tips I have gotten from it! Thanks for letting me know :)
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