A Guilty Pleasure, A Monkey Trap and Unforgiveness

A Guilty Pleasure

I love Karen Kingsbury. Her books can be fluffy and soap opera like (meaning everyone is perfect looking and has a lot of money... hence the guilty pleasure because their lives are perceived as perfect) but I ALWAYS get something out of her books. I like them because they are a light read and I am usually done the book within a day or two... well, I should say I was done the book within a day or two before I had a child. Now, it takes a little longer. Whether it is a struggle one of the characters are going through, or a Bible Study they go to in the story, I always come out with something that has made me think. This story touched on unforgiveness. Specifically Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Wow!! I have read this verse multiple times, but it hit me hard this week. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine led me in a listening prayer. Through that prayer, God showed me it is His desire to see me free and in order to start walking to that freedom, I need to forgive people.

A Monkey Trap

I never heard of a monkey trap until last week. A friend of mine was using the analogy and explained to me what a monkey trap was. A monkey trap is a container with a hole in it just big enough to fit a monkey's paw in it. In the container, there will be something very attractive to a monkey like a banana. The monkey will reach in, grab the banana but won't be able to get it out, no matter how hard it tries. The monkey is trapped only because it won't let go of the banana. If it did let go, it would be free.

Unforgiveness

Apparently this is not a word. Spellcheck and dictionary.com don't recognize "unforgiveness." If I say "unforgivingness" it is correct. I don't like that, so I will keep it as "unforgiveness."

There are certain things I find easier to forgive than others. If my husband hurts me, I can forgive him pretty easily. Why? Hurting me are never his intentions, and I live with him. He also is an amazing example of being quick to forgive as I am incredibly flawed. No matter how many mistakes I make in a day, or stupid things I say to him, he is always quick to forgive, and let things go.

So, what does this mean when I do struggle with not forgiving someone? Someone like... my mother? A woman who is mentally unstable, conniving, manipulative, abusive, who doesn't own up to her crap and continually hurts people?

Yes, even then.

This is my struggle. I'm caught in my own monkey trap of unforgiveness where even now as I type this, I struggle. There is the element of control. Because my mother will never own up to her crap and continually hurts me, why would I want to forgive her? Why would I want to let go of everything she has ever done to me and forgive her?

Because it will free ME.

This is my struggle. This is what I was convicted with through reading Karen Kingsbury.

70x7... 70x7... 70x7

It's going to take a lot of hard work! Please pray for me.