I feel like I'm going backwards. Instead of starting from the beginning like how all stories start, I'm starting from the end. The most recent story. I guess this is how I process and heal. This is how you get to the core of an onion. You safely peel back each layer starting from the skin and top layer. Having a baby has been the most recent life changing event. The 2nd was dealing with sexual addiction in my marriage... again.
In highschool, as I was praying for my husband, I prayed this simple prayer. "Lord, I won't look at a guy if he's ever touched drugs. I won't look at a guy if he's ever touched alcohol... but I think I can handle pornography."
WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING!!!!!!!
I knew he was the one very early on. I think I have it pinned down to the first walk we went on. I had originally agreed to go for a walk with him because I am a great listener, and he was struggling from a recent break-up. I was going to listen to him, encourage him and try to help him win her back. We ended up sharing so much of our lives in that hour and a half walk. When I got back to the campus in the small town where our Bible College was, I was ready to march up to his previous girlfriend and tell her what a huge mistake she made ever letting this guy go.
A couple months later he and I were dating.
Although this sounds ridiculously fast, you have to understand that a week in Bible School (the greenhouse environment where there is so much growth, plus dorm life--being around people 24/7) is like a month everywhere else. We became friends, we got to know each other very well and developed a great attraction for one another. A little while after he told me he liked me, I made it quite clear I didn't want to be a rebound girl. He assured me I wasn't. And I know I wasn't.
Before we started dating, there was a night where we shared some things we struggled with. That was the night I heard about his struggle with pornography. I respected him greatly for telling me, knowing that he was risking this being a deal breaker. Being the nurturer and helper that I was, I thought I'd be able to help him through this, and "fix" the problem. Ah, the ignorance of an 18 year old girl.
No comments:
Post a Comment