In his book, LOVE AND RESPECT,author Emerson Eggerichs says "Satan will do what he can to get couples into bed before marriage, and stay out of bed after marriage" (paraphrased.)
Unfortunately, this is the world we live in. It is ingrained in us from when we're little that "sex is dirty, sex is bad and if you have sex before you get married, you're going to hell." Is this a hyperbole? Not really from the family I grew up in.
With the way that the world is where even "G" rated movies are getting really bad, sex is all around us. From the commercials we watch to the ads in magazine we innocently flip through at the doctors office. It is so easy for lust to sneak into our lives and get a foothold.
I struggle with writing this post because I have to share parts of my life that I am not proud of. As I slowly am giving out the link to my blog to more and more people, I struggle with knowing people whom I love, respect, are friends with and have mentored will be reading up on my life. Reading up on stuff I chose to put myself through and regret.
I once told someone "with stupidity comes wisdom." It is unfortunate, however, that I have to learn the hard way. In my stupidity came wisdom. This is an experience I want to share to help others.
I guess there is the struggle because as much as I like to think I don't care... I really do care about what people think about me. I wish I had the confidence and courage to not care, but I am a people pleaser and desire to be loved, respected, and to have no one think ill of me or my family.
I want you to know that I have confessed this sin. I confessed it a long time ago and got help and healing through it. I also want you to know that it is in our imperfection where God can work the greatest. How could we ever further His Kingdom if we were all perfect. NO ONE would ever come to Christ if we were all perfect, or let everyone know how perfect we all are.
I'm sure we all have heard the boiled frog analogy. If you throw a frog into boiling water, it will jump out. If you put a frog into cool water and slowly turn up the heat, it will think its fine until it dies. Being physical in a relationship is like this. It starts with holding hands, kissing and the boundaries get pushed further and further until you're no longer a virgin. This might not happen right away, but it happens... slowly... the standards slip. "We haven't gone that far" you think to yourself, or "I have a purity ring, that'll keep me safe..." It didn't keep me safe.
We had sex before marriage.
No, there was no manipulation, just us continually pushing the boundaries back, crying and dealing with guilt, forgiving each other, making a commitment not to push boundaries which would last a little while, and then this cycle would start all over again.
Until the very last boundary was broken.
Along with this, my heart broke as well. I didn't know how God could love me anymore because I committed such a sin. I felt like my purpose on earth could no longer exist because I was a sinner.
And yet, God still loved, and still forgave.
Romans 8:38-39 says "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below[ indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
He didn't just send His one and only son to die for those who saved themselves for marriage, He sent His one and only son to die for those who didn't as well.
1 John 1:9 "But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness."
We confessed, we forgave, we healed. God restored.
I thought this would be the end of our story. After getting help from our pastor and waiting for marriage, I thought the sexual sin would be gone. Unfortunately it wasn't...
**Disclaimer** I know of people who waited for engagement or marriage to even kiss. To those of you who have been able to do this, I applaud you. To those of you who have struggled or are struggling right now and can't get out of it but want to, go to a trusted friend or mentor... confess...seek forgiveness, forgive, and heal. Most importantly, forgive yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment